Day 173: Woman of Valor! (Proverbs 31:10-31)

Through the Bible: Proverbs 30-31

This was my Mother’s Day sermon this year

Good morning! That’s quite a list, isn’t it? Please open your Bibles to Proverbs 31. And while it is Mother’s Day, I don’t want the focus to just be on Mothers. Instead, I’d like to talk about what Proverbs 31 has to say not just to women, but to men about women.

Because let’s be honest. If you’re a woman, sometimes you just want to find this so called “Proverbs 31 woman” and punch her in the throat for raising the bar of expectation so high. You think, there’s no way I can live up to this. And you wind up feeling worse after reading it.

So this morning, I hope I can change the way you look at Proverbs 31. Because more than anything, it is meant to encourage you, not discourage you. I want us to look at what this chapter isn’t, then at what it is, and then at how all of us, not just women, should live this out. So let’s read it together, then we will pray and jump in.

[Pray]

What Proverbs 31 isn’t

Let’s talk first about what Proverbs 31 isn’t. First, Proverbs 31 was not written by Solomon. Look up at the first verse of the chapter:

³¹ The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him:

Which, honestly, I’m a little bit relieved about. Because if I’m a man wanting advice on how to treat my wife, I’m not going to go to the the guy who had 700 wives and 300 concubines whose heart was turned away from God by his many wives (1 Kings 11:3).

And if I’m a woman wanting to learn virtue and character, am I really going to go to the guy who wrote “Better to live on the corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife?” TWICE? (21:9 and 25:14)

(Probably you could only get away with saying that if you DID have 700 wives. Because then you could say, “No, honey, I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about wife #453 over there…)

No, Proverbs 31 was written by King Lemuel, who was not a king of Israel. He may have ruled over Massa a large territory in Northern Arabia, possibly present day Syria and Lebanon. This makes Proverbs 31 one of only two chapters of the Old Testament that were not written by Jews.

It also isn’t just for wives. The Hebrew word translated “wife” here is eshet, which is interchangeable with the word woman. The only other time the phrase eshet Chayil is used in the Old Testament is in reference to Ruth before she married Boaz. (Ruth 3:11) Modern translations are about half and half with whether they translate it wife or woman.

The entire phrase is Eshet hayil translated in the KJV as “virtuous woman.”

So if eshet can be either woman or wife, what does hayil mean? Let’s look at the different English translations.

• “An excellent wife” (ESV, NASB)
• a good wife” (New Century Version)
• “a competent wife” (Common English Bible)
• “a capable wife” (Good News Translation)
• a virtuous and capable wife” (New Living Translation)
• “a wife of noble character” (New International Version, CSB)
•  “a virtuous woman” (King James Version)
• “a worthy woman” (American Standard Version)
• “a valiant woman” (Douay-Rheims American Edition)
• a capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman” (Amplified Bible)  

But the word hayil is a masculine noun.  Most of the time in Scripture it is used to describe men. It can be translated “strength, valor, power, might, valiant, even army.

So it seems like the best, most accurate translation of Proverbs 31:10 is “a woman of valor who can find?”

A checklist for women

Third, Proverbs 31 is not a checklist for a woman to work hard to attain. There’s actually not a single word of instruction for women in the entire chapter. The only instructive language it contains is directed toward men, with the admonition that a thankful husband honor his wife “for all that her hands have done” (Proverbs 31:31)

This week, I spent some time looking at how other preachers have preached this passage. There’s a website called “sermoncentral.com” where preachers can share their sermon content with other preachers. So I did a search on Proverbs 31 and looked at some of the different titles. And it looked like a lot of them bought into this checklist mindset:

• “How to be a Proverbs 31 woman”
• “God’s Scorecard for Wives”
• “What Are a Mother’s Responsibilities?”

In other words they were taking all the things a man was praising his wife for and turning them into a to-do list for the women to accomplish. It’s not a to-do list for wives. It’s a to-praise list for men!

I found one called “How to Praise a Woman,” that I thought would be different. So I thought, I’ll click on this one, and see what its like. And oh boy. I’m sure the dude meant well. But here’s a part of his manuscript: “Ladies, I’m going to be your advocate this morning and preach a sermon titled, “How to praise a woman.” It’s a list of twelve qualities that are worthy of praise WHEN your husband finds them in you. And ladies, I don’t want you feeling guilty if you don’t meet ALL twelve of these. But men, if you can praise your wife for anything, you should.

The guy had an empty vase on a stand. And he had broken down all of the characteristics in verses 10-31 into twelve qualities. And he brought out twelve long-stemmed roses, and he held them in his hand.

Then he talked about verse 11: “The heart of her husband trusts in her.” And he said, “Guys, IF the lady in your family is TRUSTWORTHY, THEN you should praise her.” And he put a flower in the vase.

Verse 6: “She extends her hand to the poor….” IF the woman in your house is compassionate, then you should praise her” and he put another flower in the vase.

Verse 8: “Her clothing is linen and purple…” Men, women go to great lengths to look good for you. WHEN she does, let her know you notice. Everyone should compliment mom WHEN she makes herself attractive.

Another flower goes in.

And so the message seemed to be that if you want the full dozen roses, these are the things you have to do. Otherwise, you might only get six out of the dozen. Or eight. Or whatever.

Now I am sure that someday, somewhere, if they haven’t already, someone is going to pick apart my sermons and tell their congregation what a bad preacher I am.

a scorecard for men

But notice all the if-then and when-then statements. If she does this, then praise her for that. When she does this, then compliment her for that. But just as Proverbs 31 isn’t a checklist for women, it’s not a scorecard for men But men: don’t make your praise of your wife conditional. That’s too much like making your love for your wife conditional: I love you if you keep the house clean— or I love you because you cooked my favorite meal. True love is I love you no matter what. True praise is, “You are a woman of valor because of who you are, not because of what you do.”

And husbands, if you give your wife a dozen roses with three or four roses missing, and you say you got the idea from me, I will hunt you down.

So we’ve talked about what Proverbs 31 isn’t. Now, let’s talk about what it is:

What Proverbs 31 is:

First, it is an absolutely brilliant poem. I’m gonna let my English major/Bible geek off the leash for a moment, but Lemuel’s mom was an awesome poet.

It’s Chiastic in structure. A chiasm is a poetic form in which the first line and the last line are parallel, the second line and the second from the last line are parallel, and so forth, until you get to a line in the middle that doesn’t have a corresponding line. And that unpaired line is usually the main idea of the poem.

You see that in Proverbs 31:

So the only verse without a parallel is 23: Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

Not only is it chiastic, its Acrostic: It’s an alphabet poem, where each verse starts with a consecutive letter of the Hebrew alphabet.

So Proverbs 31 is just brilliant poetry. So this wasn’t like a mother’s day card you picked up at Publix at 10:00 last night because you forgot what today was.

It is meticulously thought out and fantastically executed.

It’s a fantastic chiastic acrostic.

Try saying that three times fast!

Second, it’s a song of praise:

The reason for its careful structure is that this poem was intended to be memorized. Not by women, but by men. Look at verse 23 again: Remember, in a chiasmus, the line without a pair is the main idea. The main idea is, “Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.”

See, a Jewish man knew that he owed his good reputation and respect in the community to his wife’s virtue. So it became a tradition which is still in practice today that on the evening of the Shabbat meal, the husband would stand and recite this acrostic poem, this alphabet of praise to his eshet Chayil, his woman of valor.

It’s like, if you stood up at lunch today (hint, hint) and sang, “Honey, you’re

• Amazing… you are
• Beautiful… you are
• Courageous…. You’re my
• Delight. You’re my
• Everything. You make me
• Faint… you’re
• Gorgeous…
• Hallelujah..
• I
• Just
• Keep
• Loving you
• More
• N’more…
• Ohhhhh!

I dare you to do that, by the way. Of course, at that point, she might respond with

• Please
• Quit

You get the idea. So much better than giving her a dozen roses with four or five missing.

So, one, it’s a brilliant poem. Two, it’s a song of praise. And three, there’s a very good chance that Proverbs 31:10-31 is A summary of Proverbs: 1-30.

A lot of commentators suggest that this poem, the very last section of Proverbs, was intentionally placed here to sum up the entire book. Which would mean that the “Proverbs 31 woman” doesn’t actually exist. Instead, she is an encapsulation of everything the book of Proverbs says about wisdom.

If you’ve been doing the Proverbs a Day challenge, you probably noticed that in the first 9 chapters of Proverbs, “Wisdom” is personified as a woman nearly thirty times.

Proverbs 2:4 says to seek wisdom like silver and search for it like hidden treasure. Proverbs 31 says “A wife of noble character who can find. She is worth far more than rubies.”

We’ve already talked about how Proverbs lifts up the value of hard work. Do you notice how hard the so-called “Proverbs 31 woman” works? We’ve talked about what Proverbs says about money and about generosity to the poor. What do we find in Proverbs 31? “She considers a field and buys it, and plants a vineyard with her earnings (verse 16). She extends her hands to the poor and needy (verse 20).

So, ladies, you are off the hook in terms of trying to live up to this ideal woman that never existed. But you aren’t off the hook for trying to live up to what Proverbs teaches.

And neither are men. Proverbs 4:8: Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her.

Go back to the central, big idea verse in Proverbs: Her husband is respected at the city gate (verse 23). It’s not just about a wife making a husband look good. It’s about wisdom making a human being look good.

What Proverbs 31 should be

So, what are we supposed to do with Proverbs 31 in our 21^st century world? A world where most of us don’t know what a distaff is, and you don’t make your own bed coverings and people aren’t standing around at the welcome to Prattville sign and giving you praise? What should Proverbs 31 be for us.

Well, first we should Memorize it. Men, maybe you don’t need to memorize the entire thing. But maybe we can at least memorize the “woman of valor” part. Eshet Chayil! Woman of valor! And use it regularly. Your wife or your mother isn’t just a woman of valor when she does these wonder woman things in Proverbs 31. She doesn’t have to do anything to be a courageous, brave, strong, valiant woman. She already is one. After all, she married you, didn’t she?

Second, we should Sing it. to women

Listen: It costs you nothing to be lavish with your praise. Men, praise and affirm your wife. Children, lavish praise and encouragement on your mother. Moms and dads, encourage your daughters. Women, give out some “Women of Valors” to your girlfriends this week. Pick a situation where you would normally say “You go girl,” and replace it with “Woman of Valor!”or if you’re really daring, “Eshet Chayil!”

And men, we can encourage each other too. If a brother in your Man Church group gets a victory over something yall have been praying for, clap him on the back and give him a “Man of Valor!”

Third, it should be Followed by everyone. I want to challenge you to change the way you think of Proverbs 31. God wants you to embrace Lady Wisdom like you do your spouse. Make all of Proverbs the standard you strive to attain in every area of your life, and let this acrostic poem be your cliff notes for what the entire book is about. 

Conclusion: What is truly worth praising (Verse 30)

I’d like us to end by taking another look at verse 30:

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

The poem ends with a reminder of what is truly worth praising: a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

not “a woman who keeps a spotless house is to be praised.”

not “a mom with perfectly behaved children wearing matching, designer outfits is to be praised.”

Not “a career woman who doubles our household income is to be praised.”

Honestly, it’s not even the woman who’s married and has children.

A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. This isn’t an “I’m afraid of God” kind of fear. This is the kind of fear we talked about the first week—that mixture of awe and delight that is the beginning of wisdom. It’s awe that there is a God who created the Universe, made us in His image, gave us commands and statutes to obey, and punishes sin. That’s half of the fear of the Lord that is the beginning of wisdom.

But the other half is delight. Delight that the same God who punishes sin loves us so much that He sent His son to take the punishment for our sin. That He has made a way for us to be part of His forever family. That through the death and resurrection of Christ, we have been given a spirit of adoption that allows all of us to cry out Abba, Father.

You see we are all sons and daughters of God. Men and women—ish and eshet—created in His image and for a relationship with him.

Because the blood of Jesus cleanses you from all unrighteousness, God pronounces you righteous. Worthy. Valiant. Because of Jeus, you are eshet Chayil—a woman of worth. You are ish Chayil—a man of worth.

Let’s pray.