“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
Proverbs 1:7 ESV
One of the most helpful personal disciplines a Christ follower can develop is journaling. For me, it’s right up there with Bible reading and Scripture memory. Journaling is a way for you to look back and track your progress on the journey.
This is my third trip through Scripture with the Bible Recap, and it’s been amazing to see notes in my Bible from the first two trips. Today was especially poignant, as I read over what I wrote on this day from 2020. Looking at it today, I’m overwhelmed by God’s kindness during a dark time. Maybe my 2020 self has something in common with your 2022 self. If so, I hope this blesses you this morning.
June 2, 2020:
I started Proverbs in my quiet time today. I’ve never felt more in need of its wisdom. As a pastor, as an American, as a human being, I feel like I am at the end of my rope today. I need wisdom on how to safely re-gather our church. I need discernment to know what is and isn’t true. I need help knowing how to guide myself, my son, and the people I serve through bitter, divisive, turbulent times. In my weakest moments, I’m overcome with self doubt, wondering if I am up to the task.
I journaled this prayer this morning. I’m posting it here because I want you to know (even if… especially if… you are a member of the church I pastor) that I do not have it all together. I do not have all the answers. It is only by God’s grace and mercy that I have anything to say or any capacity to lead. And I am begging for it today. Here goes:
I am afraid.
I need Your shelter to hide me.
I am confused.
I need Your wisdom to guide me.
I am broken.
I need Your hand to heal me.
I am anxious.
I need Your presence to still me.
I am sad.
I need Your joy to cheer me.
I cry out.
I need Your Spirit to hear me.
I am hungry.
I need Your Word to feed me.
I am lost.
I need my Shepherd to lead me.
I am unlovely.
I need Your love to surround me.
I am lonely.
I need Your people around me.
I am unfocused.
I need Your direction to point me.
I am unholy.
I need your grace to anoint me.
God, give me what I don’t have. Teach me what I don’t know. And make me what I can’t be without you.
Kyrie eleison.
